Coalition’s yard sale to benefit women such as Octavia

By Jamie Durant
Morning News Health/Environmental Reporter
Published: October 10, 2008

The Pee Dee Coalition Against Domestic and Sexual Assault will hold a yard sale today to bring focus to the issue of domestic abuse.

October is National Domestic Abuse Awareness Month and the Pee Dee Coalition’s Shelter Advisory Committee will oversee the event, with the funds going to help the women and children seeking a safe place to regroup after getting away from an abusive relationship.

Joan Flail, shelter program director for the Florence location, said the shelter offers a place to go for women who have been told there’s nowhere for them to turn.

“We are an emergency safe shelter for victims of domestic violence,” she said. “So often a part of the abuse has been saying ‘You’re stupid. You’re dumb. You have nowhere to go.’ But the most important thing for a battered woman to know is that she does have somewhere to go. She can come here and find safety.”

Flail said once a woman comes to the shelter, she can find a safety she didn’t even realize was a possibility in her life.

One woman living at the shelter, who identified herself only as Octavia, told her story of abuse, strength and the courage it took her to move on with her life.

Octavia, a 20-year-old mother, said she has been packing up her belongings lately to get ready to take the step of moving out of the shelter and into a home of her own.

“One night I coming home from work and my abuser accused me of cheating on him rather than being at work ... he choked me and, after that, I thought it was done, but it wasn’t,” she said.

Octavia said when the man told her to sit in the dark while he thought about what else he was going to do to her, it was then she made the decision that she couldn’t live in that situation any longer. She and her infant son, Julion, went to the shelter.

“Now I’m ready to go to college, I’ve found a day care for my son and I’m getting ready to move out of state,” she said.

Octavia credits the many groups offered at the shelter for helping her get past her anger at the situation she was in for so long.

“They have so many groups here where we talk,” she said. “We have groups that tell us how to get through our situation and show us how we need to forget ... not forgive ... but to forget. It’s a big help.”

Flail said roughly 35 percent of abused women return to the situation. But, she said, each time she returns to that abusive relationship, she is one step closer to the average six or seven times it takes for her to make a permanent move out of the situation.

“Maybe for the first time they’ve started keeping a suitcase packed, or they’ve worked out a signal with the neighbors that if the lights are flashing, call for help,” Flail said.

Octavia said she intends to be at the yard sale today, trying to raise money to keep the shelter running for other women is similar situations.

“This shelter is needed,” she said. “If it wasn’t here, I’d be out on the street.”

According to the Family Violence Prevention Fund, women are less likely than men to be victims of violent crimes overall, but women are five to eight times more likely than men to be victimized by an intimate partner.